My mind ponders things. I think about something and it twirls around in my mind, sending my thoughts on a journey. Tonight my question was:

Why does it take so long to get past your fear?
I was thinking back on a few times when there was something that I wanted to do or that needed to be done, but it took me a long time to do it.   And now I think “Why did it take me so long?”. “What was all that procrastination for?’  Why did I have those blocks about doing it?” “It wasn’t all that hard, once I got into it.”  “It was actually quite easy and I felt really good when I was done”.

When I re-started my life after working 25 years for a public mental health entity, I had no real concept of who I was, what I wanted to do for or with myself, and how to do it. When I think about the feeling connected to this time, there was an emptiness within me. I was missing.

But…from the beginning, I created a long to-do list, had ideas springing forth to create, and my mind began to remember how to create. I had ideas for classes I could give, even imagined myself doing them. I had ideas for how to market, movies I could make for my website, ideas for articles, and even ideas for doing a couple of Ted Talks came to my mind (OK, now that one sounds a bit lofty).

However, I made no plans to, or gave myself any deadlines to implement –  any of them. I spent a lot of time listening to people who had knowledge or experience that supported my learning, each giving a piece of what I was looking for – to meet myself, and get to know myself and WHO I AM. I recently reviewed my To Do list from the second month. I have done exactly 12 of those things on the “To be done NOW” list. Guess they weren’t really a “priority” after all – yet.

Now, 19 months later I am closer to knowing WHO I AM. I am no longer missing, but am finding my way home to myself and the Creator.

We each “create” the life we are living.  I choose to move past my fears and propel myself forward.  And if what my intuition tells me is true, I’m in for an exciting ride! I anticipate, as I think about myself a year from now, I will be saying to myself, “I like my life so much and am having so much fun! Why did it take me so long to get here?”