a story -shadow of Anger

      Releasing the shadow of Anger in New Zealand – October 2014faith

Anger had been hiding most of The One’s 52 years of life.  The One rarely needed her and when triggered, would shut Anger down or walk out of the situation to keep her still and quiet.  Only on rare occasions did Anger have the opportunity to express her gift, and only for the briefest of moments was she allowed to be free.

Anger’s strength had been building, her confidence growing.  She had been practicing and emerged the year before while in Australia, surprising The One, opening with a show of her strength when The One was exhausted from travel.  She knew that The One’s control over her was weakest at that time.  The One allowed it for a brief time, but did not like the result and found a way to push Anger back to the still and quiet place again, grateful for the loving patience and understanding of a loved one caught in the middle.  Anger knew the time  was approaching when she would fully emerge and show her gift.  The time was coming for The One to allow Anger to be a part of The One’s Self so that she could use this emotion effectively when needed.  Anger was patient.

As the days leading to her “big moment” became the present, Anger would sometimes sneak out and The One who kept her still and quiet began to recognize Anger’s growing need to emerge.  The One could sense that the time was coming when she could no longer restrain the energy of Anger and would have to face her.  The One was concerned about the timing, but followed her path, knowing it as something that had to be done, if not now, when?  The One also knew it would not be easy, and it would be painful with someone she trusted and loved.

As the time grew near, The One became aware that this confrontation would place a great burden on a dear friendship, a sister in the Light.  It would be an ultimate test of compassion and forgiveness – not only for dear friend, but also for herself.  This would be an opportunity for The One to use and put into action all she has learned, BE Who she has become.  To allow herself to feel Anger and BE Authentic to herself.  To Trust herself to be able to survive through the heartache that comes when Anger emerges.  To Know that she is not alone.  To feel the guidance, protection and love from the ancestors and her guides around her, who would support her through the process.  To allow it to happen as it would unfold.

The One and dear friend were traveling through New Zealand.  It’s southern hemisphere  energy was similar to what The One had experienced in Australia the year before.  The One was exhausted from traveling so far, unable to sleep on the plane or in new places for several nights.  Anger recognized The One’s vulnerability and began to place her seeds, challenging The One’s controls that kept her quiet and still, gradually increasing the intensity of her power through triggers of The One’s patience in ways she knew would hit home.

The One could feel Anger’s energy building in the days before “the moment” came.  During this time The One struggled to use what she has learned from the “Law of Attraction” teachings, to change her thoughts – to change the feeling each time that Anger sent a trigger.  The One could change her thoughts and perceptions about the triggers, but her ability to keep Anger quiet and still was a losing the battle.  Anger incessantly poked and stabbed, forcing The One to feel her.  To acknowledge her.   Anger increased the intensity.  The feelings become so Intense that The One could no longer keep Anger still and quiet.

The “big moment” was now!  The One gave Anger permission to emerge and express herself, and dear friend was caught in the battle.  Anger took the opportunity and found her freedom.  She let her energy flow out until the raging fire was extinguished.  Anger was so happy to be free.

On the other hand, The One was left with heartbreak and guilt.  This was only her second experience in this lifetime of allowing herself to feel this intensity of Anger.  The One did not have the skills to work with Anger in a gentle and kind way, and dear friend felt the intensity and insanity of the energy as it burst through the barriers that had kept Anger still and quiet.  Dear friend was sucked into The One’s growth moment, having had no warning for the part she was to play in setting up triggers for Anger to work with. Pain surfaced in dear friend as she was blindsided by The One’s struggle to work with Anger.

As she walked along the beach feeling the ocean’s healing strength, The One’s heartache at hurting dear friend made her weep with sadness and grief.  The One prayed to the Father and her guides to heal the pain of dear friend.  To help dear friend to understand that the part she played to strengthen Anger’s influence was part of a higher plan.  That dear friend was not responsible for Anger’s eruption in The One.   The One asked for forgiveness for herself for placing this burden on dear friend.

The One walked for a long time and came upon a lone sea lion resting on the sand.  For a brief moment, The One’s mind was taken to a new place outside of herself.  She asked the creature if it was okay and sent it heart energy in case it was not.  Then the sea lion rose, turned and began to head for the sea.  Seeing that it was fine, The One apologized for interrupting it’s rest.  The sea lion turned around, sat for a moment and then again laid down to relax on the sand.

Heading back to where she began her walk on the beach, The One focused her thoughts on where she was and the healing sensations she felt in her bare feet as she walked along the damp sand.  She noticed how the  salty sea water felt on her skin while she danced through the waves as they moved in and out.  She observed the action of the waves and listened to their sound as they crashed and then calmed, returning to the sea.  The One felt the warm ocean breeze on her face and breathed in deeply.  She noted shells on the beach and with her toes dug the shape of a large heart, placing dear friend’s and her initials inside, remembering the love shared between them.  The One felt the calming presence of her guides.  When she looked ahead of her, she could see dear friend on her own journey, walking along the beach away from her, trying to understand and forgive The One for harsh statements made during Anger’s outburst.  In the process of healing these wounds, they would need to create a new definition of the friendship, find compassion, and confirm the depth of their relationship and sisterly love for each other.

Month’s later, The One reflects on her friendship with dear friend.  It is still strong but now each has a different awareness of and compassion for the other.  The One still struggles with forgiveness of herself as she heals and integrates Anger with her I AM presence, but is grateful that the shadow of Anger was freed.

Written with gratitude to dear friend for being the one I trusted to go to the depths with me and emerging, still my sister in the light.